Sweet as Sugar Cain

My Journey so far- the raw story....

2009-09-28T12:39:00.005+10:00

Ok, this Post is esp for Dadvid....

It is very honest and hopefullyggives you all an insight as to why I have been underground for a while.

I am still very much alive!! Life has been a rollercoaster the past 2 years, but now it has taken a turn and I am travelling a very different road. So what have I been doing and what has been going on??

Well after 2 years of seperation, I am soon to be a divorcee (Dec 18th it is all officially over)!! Have been through a very turbulent and emotional journey leading to where I am now. I didn't see it coming and in hindsight still can't find any clues or hints to the fact that my husband of 8 years and partner of 12 was going to wake up one day (Sept 07) and tell me he wasn't in love with me and walk out the door! Chailee was 9 months and Huddy was just 2yrs old.

We tried to reconcile and gave it another shot last year, but this only lasted 5 months and I found myself alone and heartbroken again. During the first year of seperation not only did I loose my husband I lost my house, my car, the family business, all our savings and finances and myself. Basically the only thing I did not loose was my 2 beautiful children.

So there I was left alone, with two babies and nothing to my name. I moved out of our beautiful new home we were forced to sell and into a townhouse at the back of a gas station with the kids.
I sunk deep into a depressiona and was totally lost.

I have never "had" to work or worry about money or my future- I had it all planned out and was happy in my marriage and life and in love with my husband. But life changed and in turn I was forced to make some changes also. I was left heartbroken beyond belief and didn't understand why he had a breakdown and walked out. Many other things occurred in that first year (2007) that made it almost impossible to reconcile without bitterness or the issue of trust!! I had the kids day in and day out and had no one helping me throughout this trial. I NEEDED to do something for myself to help me feel worth something again. I was left feeling like I wasn't good enough, beautiful enough or accomplished enough for him.

So, I started going to the gym 6 days a week, I put the kids in the creche which was the only form of babysitting I could afford and it gave me 1.5hrs each day to be totally selfish, put my ipod in and forget about all my worries. This lead to me investing what little money I received from the sale of our house into a Personal Training course in June 08 at HPC. I attended the course for 16 consecutive Mondays and enrolled the kids in kindy Monday each week. This had become my passion and the first thing in my life I had a passion for and was just for ME.

For those 16 weeks I went to my class on Monday then never left the house again during the week- depression had sunk in and in August he moved home and we tried to put our marriage back together. He was bitter, cold, and verbally abusive the whole time- something I had never experienced the whole time we were married til now. I stayed and put up with it all for the sake of my family and our children- but my heart had hardened and the spark had died- I had fallen out of love with him as a survival tactic months and months prior. I couldnt understand why he was doing and saying the thing he was and what I had done to deserve any of this.

We 'just' got through Christmas I had finished my course and completed my assignments and the same week I handed in my assignments the owner of HPC offered me a job as one of the first Human Performance Trainers able to run my own business through his college/gym. Originally only 5 "elite' trainers/students were selcted and I was one of them!! I was ecstatic and gladly took the opprotunity to make something of myself totally on my own. It ws only a few day later after a big physical fight that I decided my marriage was over and I wanted him out. I had enough abuse and was miserable, I was married to a stranger. We were dressed and walking out the door to a friends wedding when it all ended. There were holes in walls, broken arm, smashed up house and finally a decision I knew was the right one. I asked him to leave my house and never come back, I was done. I was at peace the moment the words left my mouth and haven't looked back since.

I have now found out he had a severe case of 'rapid-cycling Bipolar' and it would always be there.

I am now for the first time in my life living hand to mouth, struggling financially and working full time as a personaly trainer. I walked away with nothing but my furniture and huge amount of debt. But I am doing everything for myself now, I am loving my job and through it have met an amazing man named Ryan Gambin who I have been in a relationship with for about 4 months. I feel like I have fallen in love for the first time and he has been my rock through all of this. He and his family have taken the kids and I into their lives and wrapped their arms around us to make us feel so loved and treasured.

I have shared custody at the moment with the kids dad (have a hard time saying his name still) and that is the hardest thing I have had to deal with in my life. We each have them 7 nights each fortnight and they now have to go to kindy 4 days per week so I can work to feed us. The nights they are at there dads I have a hard time being at home, I have to shut their bedroom doors and hide their toys or I break down in tears:) Life has changed and I have learnt to appreciate so much more of what really matters. I am now an independant woman and there is nothing that can bring me down again. Somedays I work from 6am and don't get home til 10pm, but I do it because I have to and I want my kids to look at me and be proud and inspired by what I achieved.

I can honestly say though, that for the FIRST time in my life I am ME. Not who he wanted or needed, not who my parents or the church expected me to be . But I am TRULY Jenni and I love that all the people in my life now love who I am and I don't feel like an outsider anymore. So meet the new Jenni, love me or just leave me alone I say!! I have wasted enough time of my life trying to please everyone else this is now Jenni Time. Jenni is a mum to the 2 most beautiful ratbags in the world, a personal trainer running her own business and still a total nutter, but most of all I have become a Woman and am damn proud of where I am going in my life now and Happy to have a super hot and loving Boyfriend (yes, that sounds very alien to say) who is there for me every step of the way.

So life is 'Sweet' again, yet not as a Cain lol...So stay tuned for a new blog to take you on my new life journey.

My First Flyer

2009-03-19T19:23:00.002+10:00

Another Day at Currumbin Sanctuary

2009-03-09T16:25:00.000+10:00

Finally.......

2009-01-31T11:18:00.003+10:00

I finally handed in my last assignment and I now await my certificate to state I am a Qualified Personal Trainer. I am sooooooo excited to start getting paid to do something I am so passionate about at the same time as helping people feel and look better :-)

Yes, I train and have muscles.....

BUT for all those who think muscles on girls look bad, I look normal until I flex hehe.

Not often do I post photos of myself, but I work hard ;-)

New Years Eve at Dreamworld

2009-01-29T14:29:00.000+10:00

Other Random Pics from our holiday...

2008-12-28T07:55:00.001+10:00

Our "Adventure" walk in the jungle!!

2008-12-28T07:43:00.002+10:00

Boxing Day we set off on a BIG walk on the island. Both kids wanted to wear their backpacks and Huddy took his new digital camera that Santa bought him and snapped away!! (His photos to come) Hudson walked the entire hour, while Chai opted to have lots of Daddy cuddles along the way. We saw a Kangaroo, Wild Sea turtles in the ocean, lizards and lots of other excting sights. Hudson was convinced we were in the jungle and going to see a "lion".

Kite Flying at the beach

2008-12-28T07:34:00.001+10:00

Huddy scored a cool Spiderman Kite for christmas, so we tested it out at Straddy...

Christmas Morning

2008-12-28T07:20:00.000+10:00

This year we escaped the madness to enjoy 4 days of fun at North Stradbroke Island. We had a wonderful, relaxing Christmas with our two munchkins. They opened most their presents (from Mum and Dad, not Santa) before we left, as there were too many to take away with us. But come Christmas morning, we enjoyed a breakfast of pancakes, bacon, grilled banana and fresh fruit. We didn't care that we ate off plastic and paper- we were together :-)

Chai's 2nd B'day

2008-12-28T07:07:00.002+10:00

Supermodels...

2008-12-28T07:04:00.000+10:00

Email ME :-)

2008-11-19T19:01:00.003+10:00

Thinking of making my blog private.
So if you enjoy reading this, please send me an email at jenni@websolutions.nu
So I can send you an invite when the time comes so you don't get locked out!

MWAH xx

Crazy Faces

2008-11-19T18:40:00.002+10:00

Breakfast and 'Brellas?!

2008-11-13T07:35:00.002+10:00

Told you they were kooky!!
Here is some footage for Mama...

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=TYynkfx44O0

Babies...

2008-11-13T07:09:00.001+10:00

These two love playing "babies" and looking after each other.
YES, I know Chai is always grubby lol

Trip to Ikea

2008-11-13T07:04:00.001+10:00

Good Food and Wine Show

2008-11-10T11:51:00.004+10:00

Every year, we make our way up to Brisbane for the Good Food and Wine Show. This year, the kids LOVED it. Everything was samples in little portions- perfect for them. We spent 3 hours sampling many yummy foods and made 2 trips to the cars with all our loot. We then came home for a very long nap with our full tummies :-)

Before Bed Play time....

2008-11-10T11:45:00.001+10:00

Here is a video taken also.... They are such calm, placid children.... my days are spent in peace and are so relaxing with these two- NOT haha!!

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=4Sii7ned4co

Our Little DORA the Explorer Groupie....

2008-11-06T16:26:00.002+10:00

Chai is a Dora fanatic, but we never understood the degree of her obsession with this Spanish speaking Explorer until we got wind she was in town. So we took Chailee to Hope Island to see Dora in the flesh.....

The only way to explain the outcome was- We've all seen a Michael Jackson concert on tv where girls are taken off by ambulances because they pass out from the overwhelming experience of seeing their Idol, or they don't know whether to laugh or cry hysterically from excitement??

Enter chailee meeting Dora- Freakin' HILARIOUS. Just check her face in the photos and the hair flying wild in the moment she spotted Dora and turned around so fast she nearlly fell off dad's shoulders.

We ended up heading home after she gave Dora a "HI-5" followed by an attempted hug from Dora, where Chai absolutely lost it and started screaming. The whole drive home we heard "Mummy, Daddy FIVE, FIVE" This was here telling us all about giving Dora a Hi-5...

Drivin' till I get some peace....

2008-11-06T16:04:00.001+10:00

12noon everyday, you'll find this mummy driving until these 2 fall asleep. I then transfer them into their beds for 2 hrs of peace. The alternative is Chai will sleep, but Huddy NEVER goes to sleep for a nap during the day unless he falls asleep in the car. So a 15min drive in the car everyday = 2hrs freedom for ME.

Me in action....Personal trainer in training....

2008-11-06T15:46:00.000+10:00

Here are some shots taken throughout my course, including a graduation dinner.

Manners??

2008-11-06T15:30:00.000+10:00

Hudson could teach his lil sister a few table manners and how to keep a clean face!

Bed bugs

2008-11-06T15:20:00.000+10:00

This time I walked upstairs to find them reading to each other in huddy's bed...so cute.

So happy :-)

2008-11-06T15:17:00.000+10:00

The million dollar question is does she throw a Cain or Tormey tantrum..... don't know which is worse haha!!

Daddy's Lil Gal

2008-11-06T14:57:00.000+10:00

All fun and games until........

2008-11-06T14:45:00.000+10:00

Hudson fell off the little swing then it hit the back of his head and cracked it open. We went to emergency where it was atleast a 4hr wait. Thankfully his Grandma's doctor was working around the corner on a Saturday and saw us with 5 mins notice and glued his had back together in an instant!! This was 2 months ago.....

Nappy Heads

2008-11-06T14:33:00.000+10:00

I came up the stairs to find these 2 laughing with Nappies/Diapers on their heads? Well atleast they were clean!!

Soon to be a Personal Trainer.....

2008-09-09T09:59:00.000+10:00

Just a little update on me... I currently have 3 weeks to left before I become a qualified Personal Trainer. I have been attending a course every Monday for the past few months at HPC. (The kids go to kindy Mondays) I have really been enjoying the course and all the knowledge I have gained through it. I have been quite sick on and off the past few months with every possible bug and virus going around, so I look forward to getting back to my own training. I haven't yet decided when, where or how I am going to use my qualifictaion. All I know is that when I do I want to specialise in Mum's post babies :-) My dream would to ultimately own my own PT Studio in the next 5 years.....ah, to dream!

Birthday Celebrations at Grandpa's

2008-09-04T15:10:00.000+10:00

Each year we celebrate Garreth, Hudson and Auntie Corky's b'day within 3 weeks of each other (they all fall on a Monday). So we head off to Grandpa's house for some birthday celebrations. I love that it isn't Chai's b'day but she blows out the candle (cross eyed, I am 25 and still can't go cross eyed).

Can you say Dibber Dobber??

2008-09-04T15:06:00.000+10:00

Just so you know...

2008-09-04T14:53:00.000+10:00

... My kids aren't always messy, they actually start the day off very clean, coordinated and tidy. They just get up to sooooo much mishief during the day and are super active that they always end the day little grubs lol
A side note on Lil' Miss Chai... she always pulls her pigtails out, leaving her to look like she has wings on her head. She also is so rough and jumps off everything that she always has bruises, I assure you they are all self inflicted ;-) She figured how to climb out of her cot today!!

Luckily Sweet and Spicy go together so well ;-)

2008-09-02T14:19:00.001+10:00

Our Spicy and Wild Child...

2008-09-02T14:07:00.000+10:00

The complete opposite of her brother. This little girl is a rascal to the maximum. She is loud, over the top, dramatic, messy and extremely carefree... A real little Miss lol

Our Sweet and Mild Child...

2008-09-02T13:59:00.000+10:00

This lil boy is truly an angel... he is well mannered, neat, compassionate, very caring and sensitive.

lil' Miss Piggy

2008-09-02T13:49:00.000+10:00

Our little gal LOVES her food!! If only she knew when her mouth was full (The one photo she has 3 whole marshmallows in her gob).

Hudson's 3rd Birthday

2008-09-01T19:10:00.000+10:00

Hudson celebrated his 3rd birthday with noodles, spiderman, a buzz lightyear skateboard and much, much more...

I am back...

2008-08-29T20:12:00.000+10:00

Ok, here I am back.... with a new blog and still kickin'. Been a very hectic 12 months, but I am ready share by BIG smile and joyful life with you all again.

Seaworld with the Uncos...whoops, Uncles!

2008-06-24T08:05:00.000+10:00

The kids and mummy enjoyed an action packed day at Seaworld last week with Uncle Jake (who's on his annual visit from the USA) and Uncle Jordy. As you can tell by the multitude of photos, a great day was had by all. We saw the dolphin, seal, sesame street and waterski shows. We also saw the polar bears, sharks, underwater aquarium, penguins and even snuck in a few rides!! You only have to check out Chai as the day progresses to see that the combination of fairy floss, pink donuts, hot chips and tomoato sauce and lack of nap contributed to a fun, messy day!

Park and Pigtails

2008-06-24T07:41:00.000+10:00

With Chailee finally having a sufficient amount of hair to put in pigtails, we decided to test them out in the wind down by the beach at North Burleigh. I think they created a little aerodynamic effect as that girl was able to walk "up" the slide no problems!!

And....Our Goofey Lil' Huddy.

2008-06-22T21:43:00.000+10:00

Loopey Lil' Girl

2008-06-22T20:59:00.000+10:00

Here are some snaps of a few of Chai's MANY faces...